The Man Who Makes The Rain Fucking Hates You

I hope you wake up and stub your toe on the door

I hope you get hit by a biker on your way to the car

I hope when you go to the hospital after the accident, they don’t take your insurance

And if all this happens, I’ll still make it rain.

I hope you get a paper cut while reading a book

I hope you then go into publishing and continue to get papercuts

I hope on your way back from your big, new publishing job you get a newspaper and another papercut

And then, I hope you get stabbed.

And if all this happens, I’ll still make it rain.

I hope you lose a good friend

I hope you buy yourself a bagel to cheer yourself up, but they give you glass instead of cream cheese

I hope you find the biker from earlier and decide to forgive him but it’s dark and he shoots you dead.

And if all this happens, I’ll still make it fucking rain.